The Mistakes You Wished You Made
by The Decemberist
Summary: For them it will never end. (final chapter: guess who wraps it up?)
1. Chapter 1

**SPOILER ALERT**

Well kids it's official: Bleach is over and the ending pissed me off even more than how I met your mother, which is saying something because I was on tumblr fa daaays after that. I think all us ichruki fans died a little bit inside here, I sure as hell know I did. I've shipped some uncannon/unrealistic couples before but never in my life did I think this would end up being one of them. You know what even gets me the most? At the end of the day I can see Renji and Rukia. I don't like it and don't think they had any chemistry, but with their history and their friendship I can see where one could develop a relationship there. Ichigo and Orihime….? It just does not make sense in any way I look at it. I wanna hear Kubo explain this ending and rationalize this couple because this makes 0 sense.  
I didn't even read the final chapter, just looked at the spoilers enough to know it was all a bunch of bullshit.  
And then this little drabble basically wrote itself.

uhgggggggggggggggg.

* * *

 **The Mistakes You Wished You Made**

 _._

 _._

 _._

 _For them it never ended._

 _._

 _._

 _._

They're too old to be doing this shit. This bantering, fake-fighting and arguing like they're teenagers again all while tension seeps out their pores like toxic fumes only they can notice.

They insult and annoy and jab all while their respective spouses and children laugh from the other side of the room, never once suspecting their interactions stem from something far deeper, never considering the fairytale ending is all a big fat lie.

In another reality the paths their lives had ultimately taken made perfect sense. Ichigo ends up with the beautiful doting wife with hair like his mother and Rukia reunites with her long lost childhood love and they all live happily ever in their own little worlds.

And yet, sometimes worlds collide. Destinies that were never meant to clash intersect and intertwine.

Rukia watches as Orihime kisses Ichigo on the cheek and later Ichigo glances over as Renji holds Rukia's hand so absentmindedly it almost seems natural and at one point they both lock eyes and seem to say _look how good at this we are_.

Later when they're saying goodbye, Ichigo sees her facade slip just a _little bit_ when she hugs him goodbye and whispers _"This was nice wasn't it?"_ and hears another lifetime in her voice, one that they both understand was never possible but will always be kept alive somewhere in the deepest crevices of their hearts.

He can't look her in the eye after.

A few days later Renji mentions that they should visit the Kurosakis more often and Rukia replies with an absent minded _maybe_ but she's got a lot of paperwork and doesn't want her squad to think she's being lazy. Renji scoffs that that isn't possible but Rukia is already out the door, muttering something about wanting a juicebox.

That same night Ichigo has a dream that he's fifteen again and walking home from school with her, hands occasionally touching but neither making a point to move away.

When he wakes up he almost says her name.

* * *

edit: still mad  
did anyone else feel like they were reading a different manga by the end? Those first few arcs of bleach were amazing and then after decide it went south and then this last one…idk just didn't even feel like Bleach anymore. As mad as I am it doesn't seem real because of how out of character everyone is…  
okay done ranting now.


	2. Chapter 2

Tomorrow Rukia is getting married.

Everyone's calling it the wedding of the century. The lieutenant of Squad Six and the lieutenant of Squad Thirteen (Byakuya _Kuchiki's_ sister) will say their vows in front of their closest family and friends and about 200 other guests because nobles don't like throwing small parties. There will be a cake larger than the bride, flowers of every shape and color (except orange, at the bride's demand) and some are even saying the ceremony will be officiated by the captain commander himself. It will be, as Matsumoto so delicately put it, _a big friggin deal_.

And that is why she insisted on dragging said bride to be out on what she described as 'the best bachelorette party the afterlife has ever seen.'

Rukia found the night numbingly enjoyable, as she found most things since life had quieted down some years ago. All the women of the Shinigami Women's Association were in attendance, all buying her colorful drinks and all gushing about how beautiful she would look in her dress. Everyone in the bar recognizes her and is happy to celebrate with her.

By the end of night Rukia has almost convinced herself she is just as excited as everyone perceives her to be. Renji will look very handsome in a tux, and they basically spend what limited time they have together anyway so her life will not drastically change like she'd read in one those weird bride magazines Hinamori gave her.

She's almost ready to leave in much better spirits than she arrived until she sees Rangiku stumbling by the bar, lipstick smeared and a heel in hand. She goes to put her arm around her friend, thinking she was passed out until she starts mumbling,

"Ya know...I always thought you were...guna end up with that Kurosaki kid with the crazy hair...whatever happened to you and him?"

The next day Rukia manages to convince everyone all the tears in the her eyes are happy ones.


	3. Chapter 3

**Second person, Orihime**

* * *

You dreamt of a prince. Instead you fell for a hero.

The problem with heroes is that they want to protect everyone, not just their princess. They fight not for her honor but for justice. You understand this about your husband, and often times will find yourself wondering if he is truly happy in the normal life you have settled in to. Sometimes you catch him moving just a little too fast at a sudden noise, getting a little too frustrated when he can't manage to fix the kitchen sink and has to call a plumber.

You understood when you were very young that you would never love anyone as fiercely as you love this man, and yet you wonder if that's enough for someone who used to battle gods and demons while still getting home in time to study calculus.

And sometimes, though you will never ever ever _ever_ admit it again, you wonder if even you are enough, that your support and compassion and loveliness is enough and the ugly insecurities dig their claws right back in-

(You may have healed him but she changed his world.)

You keep noticing him staring off into the sky like he's looking for something (some _one_ ) and when you ask him what he's looking at he'll smile a kind smile and tell you he was just daydreaming, it's nothing.

All your friends tell you you guys make such a cute couple and you'll have such cute kids and he'll smile that same smile while you thank them profusely and you're not entirely sure why it's wrong because it's not quite wrong it just doesn't look _right_ on his face, that soft grin that doesn't quite reach his eyes. Later an old classmate you're out to lunch with remarks how different Ichigo is now, how much calmer and mellow he seems and wow marriage has been great for him hasn't it? It triggers something inside you, though you keep your features relaxed and happy.

And you keep wondering if he has tucked that part of him, that brash, impulsive, warrior part who he _truly_ is, away so he can be someone who loves you.

Because you of all people know that at the end of the day,

Princes want princesses.

 _Heroes need equals._

* * *

The unofficial title is also "why ichihime does not make sense now nor will it ever." I tried to make this not so much seem like he's not happy with her just because he wants Rukia, but also because _they are just not a good couple period_. If Rukia had never existed I still would not be an ichihime shipper because they don't work together.


	4. Chapter 4

to the cool kid anon reviewer who commented on their love for salty tears:  
 _please keep your creepy fetishes to yourself_

* * *

Renji's beginning to question his spousal intuition.

His wife has been acting...strangely.

He watches her when she thinks no one's looking. How she's constantly tugging at her hair and when he offhandedly remarks maybe it'd look nice short again she responds with a curt _no_ and goes to take a shower. He notices a look in her eye he could only call distressed when Ichika jumps on his back and demands him to follow her lead and shunpo _fast_. How upset she is when she finds Ichika playing in her closet and he sees her hurriedly tucking away what looks like an old school uniform.

And he doesn't know what to say because he loves her and aches to understand her but knows there are parts of her she will take to her grave without ever exposing, even to him.

(Come to think of it, it all really started after they visited the Kurosakis for Kazui's birthday party.)

Secretly he wonders if she and Ichigo had a fight or something that she stubbornly refuses to tell him about and it's just been bugging her.

He never suspects anything else.

* * *

And THIS, my lovely readers, is my take on why Renruki doesn't work. Renji has clearly been in love with her for a long time but that does not mean he knows her. It was why their relationship failed back in the day and why I think it always will.


	5. Chapter 5

2for1 because whynot

* * *

Ichigo hates Rukia's hair.

He almost didn't recognize her the first time he saw her, with that long dark mane that trailed down her back in inky waves. To be fair she certainly looks pretty, _beautiful_ even, but it's not her.

(He remembers a conversation from another lifetime, one before destinies and bigger pictures and sacrifices, when he was just a kid hiding a girl in his closet, between her and Orihime. She mentioned how nice Rukia would look with long hair and she cheerfully answered, "Oh I keep it this short because it's practical. Fighting with longer hair would be such a bother.")

It's not much but it's different and it's wrong on her and he _hates it_ and he tells her as much when they both stand in his kitchen washing dishes while their spouses try to control their children.

"Who the hell said I cared about your opinion concerning my hair?" She says with an eye-roll, flicking him with the leftover suds on her fingertips.

"I didn't say you did. I just don't like it. I thought you always said you didn't either."

"Yeah well, ya know opinions can change over time. You're one to talk, you barely have any left now."

He goes to touch his hair, a self conscious habit he'd picked up in recent years, and scowls.

"Well I didn't want to, it just seemed like the thing to do as I got older."

"Seems like a great reason then," She snorts. He notices neither of them are doing the dishes.

"So you like it now, even though you said before you didn't?" He presses, knowing he's taking this way too seriously but can't quash the nagging feeling every time he looks at her.

"I guess my opinion hasn't changed. It just uh...It's just easier this way. To just keep it as is now that it's already like this. Just like for you, right?" She gives him a sad, lopsided smile and moves to start drying the plates.

He knows they're not talking about haircuts anymore.

* * *

Am I the only one who was not a fan of Rukia's long hair?


	6. Chapter 6

Kubo: *assembles cast & crew of bleach* alrite guys I've figured out the ending!  
Cast and crew: *waiting & excited*  
Kubo: The last chapter will explain….Nothing! I will create more questions and give no answers  
Cast and crew: *starts looking around nervously*  
Kubo: also Ichigo you will marry Orihime and have a kid and lead a normal life even though that's the exact opposite of what you've wanted and I will completely strip Orihime of all her career ambitions!  
Ichigo: fam pls no  
Kubo: Rukia you will marry Renji even though he abandoned you years ago and you never showed any romantic feelings for him. You will also have a kid and name her something incredibly uncomfortable for all parties involved.  
Rukia: wut  
Kubo: LETS GET THIS BITCH PUBLISHED

* * *

Yuzu always feels very awkward when Rukia's around.

Years ago she used to call her sister and her father would make jokes that she was his third daughter and Rukia would always look more overwhelmed than annoyed, like she didn't know how to handle such blatant affection but didn't entirely dislike it. (Ichigo would scowl and pout and stomp his feet but never disagree.)

When he brings Orihime for dinner one night their father continues with his usual antics but Yuzu stays quiet, fear of committing some sort of betrayal against Rukia if she spoke to this other girl with the same familiarity. Watching her brother makes her uncomfortable; he is cheery and subdued and only rolls his eyes at Isshin instead of his usual fighting or insulting.

Rukia doesn't visit much, but when she does Yuzu always avoids being in the room alone with her or having to address her directly, especially after the kids are born. She's never even met Rukia's daughter, but once she made the mistake of asking her name.

When she told her it was Ichika she thoughtlessly asked the significance of it until she realized it a moment later. Thankfully her husband, boisterous but clueless, answered that they just liked the sound of it but Yuzu could see the guilty look in Rukia's eyes and knew the truth.

She is torn between loving and supporting her brother's relationship with his wife but knowing he shares something far deeper with the girl who she once shared her clothes and room with, a girl who was far more of a sister to her than Orihime ever will be.

One time when Rukia and Renji come over, Ichigo offers to help her with the cooking and Rukia volunteers as well and it's just the three of them in her little kitchen and it's easy enough to pretend life is how it used to be. She gets too comfortable listening to them quip back and forth though and at one point Ichigo ends up with sauce on his face and Rukia is smirking and Yuzu thoughtlessly comments, "Just like you two always are, like an old married cou-"

She stops herself before she finishes but the words have been spoken. She sees them exchange a look and feels like she has broken some kind of truce she didn't know existed. Rukia excuses herself by needing the bathroom and Yuzu begins to profusely apologize to her brother, "Sorrysorry _sorry_ I wasn't thinking-"

He laughs and it's shaky and he brushes her off _Oh Yuzu why?_ But his voice is shaking too and they both damn well know why. (Her allegiance has been revealed, her cover is blown.)

"Yuzu you have nothing to apologize for."

 _Doesn't she though?_

* * *

shoutout to all the fabulous reviewers who are just as pissed as I am. good to see we can all band together in these dark times.


	7. Chapter 7

So much love for all the reviews ! It's amazing how inspired a person can be from a terrible ending! between the endless plot holes and lack of explanation and oocness there's just too much to exploit.

.

.  
Like mother like daughter? Not if Rukia can help it!

* * *

Rukia's daughter is nothing like her and for that she is eternally grateful. Ichika knows nothing of a starvation so desperate it claws its way from your belly to throat, burning at the back of your mouth and drying your tongue to sand. She will grow up trusting not fearing the adults in her life, not having to question every grown person's intention as genuine or a ruse to gain a bit of food scraps or spare coins or something far more sinister. She will be healthy and well cared for and loved and surrounded by an ultimate luxury only few could dream of.

Rukia's daughter will have everything she never did and while she is both eternally grateful, she is also eternally struggling. Struggling to understand the girl who she carried and nurtured in her own body for nine months and brought into this world all on her own is yet at times a complete stranger.

Ichika is more comfortable in the mansion than Rukia even is today; though she gave her Renji's surname she is a Kuchiki through and through.

(She still maintains her maiden name. She knows it bothers Renji but she will honor her brother and everything he has done for her to her grave.)

She gives Ichika the freedom to roam around as much as she pleases when she's not at the academy, and when her extended family questions the safety of her decision she answers coldly that _she did it and she turned out just fine, didn't she?_ Renji is far less concerned and has his fun playing with Ichika and teaching her shunpo and laughing when she breaks an expensive vase and Rukia bites her lip not knowing if she should join in on the fun or scold her daughter for her carelessness. She learned through fear not to disrupt anything in the mansion and yet Ichika has no fear and she can't decide if that's a good or bad thing and it keeps her up at night tossing and turning in a nervous sweat.

Ichika likes to travel to the world of the living too. She likes the freedom to explore something new, likes slipping into her gigai once Mayuri fashions her one and having Renji buy her all different kinds of sweets and play at the fancy living world park where she can show off her speed and strength to the other living children. She loves playing with Ichigo and Orihime's young son as well.

Kazui is bright and kind and follows Ichika around whenever they're together, happy to play whatever game or challenge she has constructed for the day. They make up a silly handshake and she sees them whispering in the corner of Ichigo's living room and one time she catches Ichika blush when Kazui exclaims how nice her hair looks when it's down and her blood runs cold.

(Nononono oh god no please not this not her _not again_ -)

Later Rukia explains to the Kurosakis that, unfortunately, she can't bring Ichika by as much anymore ("Maybe when she's a little older, but she needs to understand she is not a part of this world like she is Soul Society.") Orihime nods sympathetically but Ichigo only nods with a look in his eye Rukia knows all too well.

Rukia and Ichika may _never_ be anything alike. For this Rukia is eternally grateful.

* * *

Again, not sure if this is just me but with just a ten year timeskip I cannot picture Rukia (don't even get me started on Renji) as a parent at all. I figure she's gotta have a lot of anxieties about parenting without growing up with any. Of course always gotta throw in that nod to ichiruki angst!  
I completely reject Kubo's idea of the next generation because Ichigo and Rukia broke hella rules in their generation (not romantically even just as friends) why would the next one be any different? I could totally see Rukia realizing history might repeat itself and being like nope absolutely not so her kid doesn't go through the same thing she did.


	8. Chapter 8

tried to make this one a little less angsty. as always the reviews are much appreciated, as is the tumblr shoutout for this fic I stumbled across. just doing my part to keep the ichiruki love alive and kicking.

* * *

Aya Akita was seriously questioning her sanity when she signed up for the Gotei Thirteen. At first it seemed like a great idea, the whole not starving half to death all the time and actually getting to use her power for something other than scaring thugs and impressing little kids but now she was wondering if it was all really that bad. Because at the moment, she was hopeless lost and from the looks of it royally screwed.

She had been assigned to Squad 10 but realized about three 'shit where am I's ago that she had definitely walked too far and now was totally going to be late for her orientation meeting. She had no idea what the penalty for that was but she heard the captain was kind of uptight and she's heard some crazy shit about punishments in this place like _didn't they almost execute a captain for staying in the living world for too long or something good lord I am not cut out for this-_

"Excuse me, do you need help?"

Aya whirled around and was momentarily confused because while the voice that spoke was feminine she only saw an incredibly tall man with the craziest hair she had ever seen ( _these shinigami are so weird!_ ) until she lowered her gaze and noticed the much shorter woman standing next to him with big violet eyes and dark hair and a captain's haori-!

"Uh, yeah, is it that obvious? I just graduated from the academy" She replied sheepishly, rubbing the back of her neck.

"Jeez Rukia after all this time they still haven't gotten better directions for these kids? The academy sucks," The taller man said, rolling his eyes and scowling at the smaller captain.

"Well I'm not in charge of the academy what do you expect me to do about it?!" When she turned to yell at him, Aya noticed the number on the back of her haori. _Thirteen...thirteen who's the captain again? Rukia..Rukia...OH. Captain Kuchiki I think? And I think she's married...this must be her husband..?_

 _"_ You're a captain Rukia, I thought this was all part of your job," He taunted, sticking his tongue out at her and poking her nose. Captain Kuchiki responded by slugging him across the jaw.

 _Yeah, definitely her husband._

"Please don't fight, I didn't mean to cause any problems between you and your husband," She said with a blush, "I'm just looking for Squad 10's barracks."

She wasn't sure what she said but they both stopped fighting immediately and got a look on their faces Aya could only describe as _guilty_. Captain Kuchiki immediately started straightening her haori and the other man uncomfortably cleared his throat.

"We're not married-"

"Squad Ten barracks are-"

They both looked at each other again and turned even redder than before. The situation was becoming more painfully awkward by the second and Aya didn't know what was worse; the discomfort she was feeling herself or the second embarrassment she felt for the captain and her apparently not-husband.

"Squad Ten barracks are back that way, take a right at the fork in the path instead of a left," Captain Kuchiki said, and added in what sounded like a forced monotone, "Lieutenant Abarai of Squad Six is my husband. Ichigo here is just a friend."

Aya nodded and dashed off as quickly as she could, desperate to remove herself from whatever weirdness was happening between those two because she sure as shit would **not** have filed the interactions between them in the _platonic_ category.

She hears them laughing behind her and makes a mental note to stay the hell away from Squad Thirteen.

* * *

See bleach fandom even the random OCs i makeup think they're married.


	9. Chapter 9

And now we return to our regularly scheduled angst!

* * *

Isshin wonders where exactly he failed as a father.

Beneath the screaming and theatrics and (affectionate) violence, he thought he did a pretty good job of raising three children on his own while still maintaining a job and hiding his true heritage and sheltering his family from the dangers lurking just on the other side of reality.

Yet his eldest has brought this all into question

He watches him date a girl he has no affection for, marry her when he does not love her, start a family with her when he has no passion for their life together. This was not the son he knew, not the son he thought he raised, and yet here he stands watching him play doting husband with a second-rate lead.

(To be fair Orihime is stunning young woman who is kind and compassionate and a wonderful mother but she is not the woman for his son.)

He will always remember the tiny shinigami who lived in his son's closet and returned the hope to his eyes when he himself had failed to do so for years after Masaki's death. Rukia was the breath of fresh air, the _light_ , the one who changed his son from a moody teenager to a selfless warrior.

Oh and he did what he could to encourage them, playing ignorant while she snuck around at night and was extra careful concealing his reiatsu when she was around, eagerly allowing her to live with them once again and naming her his third daughter much to Ichigo's utter embarrassment. He knew his son, for all his growth and maturity, was still so young to have met someone like her but he always believed that eventually he would realize his feelings and he would have someone to bring him the kind of happiness a parent can only dream his child will find.

And somehow he neglected to prevent his son from becoming the one thing he feared he would; exactly like himself. Isshin has sacrificed a great deal during his afterlife, and while meeting his late wife and having a family was the greatest thing that ever happened to him, he is not a fool. He knows all who sacrifice like that are not fairly rewarded and he watches this play out in his son's life as he fills a role he was never meant to, all for good of everyone else but him.

His greatest failure is being unable to save his son from himself.

* * *

Whoever reviewed about me writing Isshin is a mindreader because I've been messing around with this all day but had such a hard time getting his 'voice'. Isshin and Ichigo are the hardest to write in my opinion


	10. Chapter 10

This took me so friggin long to write. And I'm still not thrilled with it. Byakuya is HARD.

* * *

It is a calm Sunday morning when Byakuya finds himself reflecting on his previous marriage to Rukia's sister, Hisana.

His own marriage...and Ichigo Kurosaki.

In a different time, (a different _him_ ) he fell for a soft spoken but fiery Hisana, all lovely with her sad eyes and endless pain that was as much a personality trait as personal burden. Yet over time he found ways to make her pain go away and she gifted him a glimpse of a life the Gotei 13 and the Kuchiki Clan could never have given him, a glimpse of a person he never thought he could be. And during those years he thought maybe maybe _justmaybe_ he could change the clan's rigid rules about outside marriages and get them to see Hisana just as he did and finally accept his marriage and change the future for others like him-

And when Hisana passed those aspirations were buried right along with her, falling and dying like the flowers from the trees.

After he found his sister, he noticed that Rukia was so much like Hisana; it was wonderful yet agonizing. They both carried their pain in their eyes and grasped it so tightly it slowly strangled them until they were pale, glossy remnants of their former selves. He wondered if he would ever see Rukia smile the way Hisana eventually came to.

In came Kurosaki. He was an arrogant and insolent brat with no regard to law and order or any other systems in place that did not bend to his liking. He was brash and foolish, but Byakuya is none of those things and could see clear as day that he was in love with Rukia. So in love that he fought through an entire army bent on his demise to save her and fought for her against her own family and fought an eons old structure that called for her death, calling for change with little more knowledge of Seireitei than a Rukongai child just because of how he felt for Rukia.

He had (still has) no respect for him or his methods but quietly understood the desperate need to change fueled by an overwhelming love.

And as much as he wanted to he could never bring himself to truly despise the man child who brought back a side in Rukia, a desire to _be_ , Byakuya never thought he would see in her.

And as he sits in the pew, watching his sister marry his idiot lieutenant, a man he knows she holds no amorous feelings for, he wonders where Kurosaki's resolve for change went. What happened to the man that vowed to save Rukia at all costs and change the world to keep her safe?

Maybe they're more alike than he realized.

The thought saddens him.

* * *

And that's a wrap folks. I think I've said all I've wanted to in the past 10 chapters in response to the disastrous last chapter of bleach. I made a point to end it on a sad note because that's how life would be for them with that trash ending.

 **sad.**


	11. Chapter 11

Guess what. I'm a huge liar. I had one, although a short one, more in me.

* * *

"You ended up with the wrong girl." Karin says simply as she leaves the living room. It's late, and she's caught him sneaking extra dessert after passing out on the couch again watching crappy tv. He's too stunned to respond and she goes back to her room without another word exchanged between them.

His mind races. There are so many ways he could've responded like _what the hell Karin_ or _what's that supposed to mean_ or even a simple _screw off_ but none of them are a denial and he hates himself a little knowing he couldn't truthfully disagree with her.

He didn't intend for the decisions he made to lead him to his present situation but things seems to just fall in (or _out of_ ) place without much effort on his part. The world reordered itself like he had never been saved by a shinigami girl who ultimately changed his life. Everyone grew up and went about their business like they had never saved dimensions or battled gods. Zangetsu was a corpse lingering in his soul. He settled for a girl he found a way to love over his soul mate.

It was not supposed to end this way.

* * *

99% of the reason I added this was to thank all the wonderful reviewers who shared their mutual salt and hate over the final chapter! Happy to see that ir still lives on and we continue to support each other. This fandom is like no other….unlike the other side who has left multiple ANONYMOUS nasty reviews. Ya'll are just too petty it's pathetic.

So much love to all my diehard ichiruki shippers.


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